Heavy reflections

The wheels are turning.

I'm on my 9th day of a liver cleanse, where I've cut out dairy, wheat, sugar, alcohol and caffeine.  I'm sure if I wasn't already vegetarian, there'd be an elimination of meat too, I'm guessing red.

The first few days I experienced a full-blown detox from coffee and sugar. I stayed strong and didn't surrender to the impulse to give up and give in.  I was tired, but positive.  Then a few days later, I noticed old emotions were surfacing, I started thinking about the past a lot for some odd reason.

Much like my belief that when you do a cleanse, your body is able to now heal old wounds that your body wasn't healthy enough to take care of fully, I guess what's happening now is that I'm facing old emotional wounds that finally have space to heal.  I have built a pretty solid foundation in the past few months, feeling highly energized, positive and happy, so it felt like a real setback when my mood dipped this week.

It's to be expected I suppose.  I can't live on cloud nine forever, but it sure is enjoyable.  I looked through an old journal from 5 years ago, read some of my entries, and mourned a sense of lost time.  I know I had to go through that period of time, quite blindly, in order for me to see what I see now in terms of relationships, but I felt angry at myself.  Part of this cleanse is to let go of anger, so I tried.  I can't be angry at myself for having a lack of understanding; I was out of touch with myself; couldn't see beyond my narrowed vision,  and therefore couldn't see beyond my immediate nonsense.

This is heavy stuff.  I want to cast these feeling away.  I'm cleansing, so along with the toxins that build up due to everyday life, I need to purge the moldy leftovers that have been sitting in my mind without me noticing.  I know it's all for the greater good, but this so far has been the hardest part of the cleanse.

And when things happen like they did on Tuesday, with that terrible accident, that puts what's really important in my life into perspective.  Storing negative feelings is not one of those things.  Letting them surface however, is.  It's painful to do, but addressing those feeling and squeezing out the juice will nourish your spirit and allow a healthy place for happiness to grow.  Emotional compost.

So far this has been a very pleasant cleanse, easier than I thought it would be.  I'm finding decent variety in snacks and do not feel hunger pangs like most people might expect. Letting go of a daily coffee was a challenge at first, but my energy level is high and it feels good to go without.

I really feel like something in me is changing.  I can't pinpoint what that is, but I feel the need to do a lot more writing, and honing in on an energy I can't yet describe.  So we'll see where that goes, and for now, I'm going for it.

Tranquility,

Katie

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