My Cloud
I'm listening to a song that always makes me think of this guy I dated last year. Over and Over by Hot Chip. It was a song I was really into when we were dating, and I listened to it so often that I now associate it with Facebook stalking this guy. I'm a bit of a creep, so what?
I was just thinking though that I wasn't ready to date him then. I wasn't feeling nearly as grounded as I feel now, it was only the beginning of my transformation and we'd probably fare much better this time 'round, if he'd have me. I'm pretty sure I scared him off for good though. I'm really bad at dealing with guys. I hate dating. I'd rather skip ahead and live out my fantasies of marriage, 3 kids and a house in the country. That's since changed, at least perspectively; I have yet to put it into practice. But I'm all about process now, and enjoying the awkward moments, the tension, and the discomfort. It's what makes things special.
I met him one night when we were out celebrating a friend's birthday, almost a year ago exactly. He was playing at a bar I'd been frequenting with this particular group of friends, and once I spotted his good looks, scally cap and mandolin, I knew I was done for. Something compelled me to go and talk to him. So in between sets I went over and asked if they could play "Happy Birthday" for my friend. They did, and I bought them a round of shots to show my gratitude. I had it all planned out, with the careful guidance of my friends of course. After their second set, the good-looking singer was momentarily looking at his phone away from the others, so I approached him and asked what the difference between a mandolin and a ukelele was. Pretty smoothe huh? We got to talking, turns out he's becoming a teacher (wow, I work in schools too), he's lived all over the world (omg how cool), and he asks me for my number. From that point on out, I was a giddy, ridiculous school girl. At the end of the night, I managed to say goodbye but was so overcome with teenage endorphins that I may have seemed a little bit crazy.
Well he asked me out finally and we went for a few beers after a show I did at Theatre Ste-Catherine (where else). I slammed a few shots back before heading around the corner to the Ste-Elizabeth because I was so nervous. I hadn't really dated anyone with much potential since my ex so I really wanted this to go well. We talked over a couple pints, and then split a cab back to NDG. He held my hand as we walked down to Rene-Levesque to hail a taxi and he even planted one on my lips. (I was losing it inside: 100% heart-melting side effects of an awesome night.)
Next date was at the Wheel Club on Cavendish. It's basically an expanded version of your grandparent's basement with a bar, pickled eggs and old timers playing bluegrass on Monday nights 'til the rockabillies take over around 9/9:30. There's also baskets of your favorite munchies available for 1 dollar. Popcorn, chips and Cheetohs. I'm telling you this place is so awesome.
So his bandmate shows up, coincidentally taking a new girl out too, so we all sit together and engage in chitchat. Cake and twizzlers are passed around and Mandolin asks me to dance to a slow song. Are you kidding me? Can it get any better? Twizzlers and slowdancing!
He walked me home just like they do in the movies and my knees buckled when he kissed me goodnight. (Don't screw this up Katie!) We went out for dinner a few nights later and held hands again as we walked down Saint-Laurent. Holding hands has always been a really intimate show of affection to me. Like date #5 at the least, but he was the one making the moves. We bumped into some friends of his and he didn't even retract his hand from mine when he spotted them. He also introduced me, all signs pointing toward promising relationship ahead, right?!
Well I don't know where I went wrong, it must have been the bust of a date I invited him over for. We played crazy eights and drank smoothies. HAHAHA. Way to put a kybosh on things, Katie. He had a show that night, something I wanted to support him on but didn't quite feel like I was ready to be introduced as his girlfriend at if I showed up. So I didn't even ask about it. He told me he wouldn't really be available for the coming week because he had practice with one band and recordings to do with another, plus school and I should have just left it alone. But I was hooked! I wanted to see more of him and was way too insecure at the time to just go on living my life and being the independent person I can be. So I texted. I called. I even Facebook messaged. Yeah. Overkill much? Can't take a hint girl? Did he freak out because I accidentally left a Cosmo on the coffee table that happened to have an article about relationships in it, advertised on the cover? Did he lose my number? Did he lose his phone? Did he lose the internet? Do I have bad breath? Am I lame? What?
Terrible. Eventually he let me down gently and I, in turn, deleted him from my Facebook. I knew my stalking habits were bad for me, but I should have just left him as a friend because now I wouldn't be limited to his one profile pic, lol!!! Ohhh man... Musicians eh? Nothin' but trouble.
It just goes to show me that men can be just as mysterious as women, and maybe even as sensitive. Who knows what really happened, maybe an ex came back into his life, maybe he freaked out, maybe I really do have bad breath. In any case, I'd be lying if I said I've moved on. I think I'll always wonder about that good-looking Scottsman. I'll always try to keep the lesson in my mind for future daters. What is the lesson anyway?
Be myself, pursue my regularly scheduled life-programming, don't over do it, and remember my life is complete, on my own. A man is just a nice way to compliment it. Oh and one more thing, beware of musicians. Just kidding. Sort of.
Now that I have written this, it feels kind of good to share it. For a long time I was humiliated by my own overkeen ways. Thinking about the title of the song, Over and Over, pretty much sums up this whole bit.
Peace, and true love,
Katie
I was just thinking though that I wasn't ready to date him then. I wasn't feeling nearly as grounded as I feel now, it was only the beginning of my transformation and we'd probably fare much better this time 'round, if he'd have me. I'm pretty sure I scared him off for good though. I'm really bad at dealing with guys. I hate dating. I'd rather skip ahead and live out my fantasies of marriage, 3 kids and a house in the country. That's since changed, at least perspectively; I have yet to put it into practice. But I'm all about process now, and enjoying the awkward moments, the tension, and the discomfort. It's what makes things special.
I met him one night when we were out celebrating a friend's birthday, almost a year ago exactly. He was playing at a bar I'd been frequenting with this particular group of friends, and once I spotted his good looks, scally cap and mandolin, I knew I was done for. Something compelled me to go and talk to him. So in between sets I went over and asked if they could play "Happy Birthday" for my friend. They did, and I bought them a round of shots to show my gratitude. I had it all planned out, with the careful guidance of my friends of course. After their second set, the good-looking singer was momentarily looking at his phone away from the others, so I approached him and asked what the difference between a mandolin and a ukelele was. Pretty smoothe huh? We got to talking, turns out he's becoming a teacher (wow, I work in schools too), he's lived all over the world (omg how cool), and he asks me for my number. From that point on out, I was a giddy, ridiculous school girl. At the end of the night, I managed to say goodbye but was so overcome with teenage endorphins that I may have seemed a little bit crazy.
Well he asked me out finally and we went for a few beers after a show I did at Theatre Ste-Catherine (where else). I slammed a few shots back before heading around the corner to the Ste-Elizabeth because I was so nervous. I hadn't really dated anyone with much potential since my ex so I really wanted this to go well. We talked over a couple pints, and then split a cab back to NDG. He held my hand as we walked down to Rene-Levesque to hail a taxi and he even planted one on my lips. (I was losing it inside: 100% heart-melting side effects of an awesome night.)
Next date was at the Wheel Club on Cavendish. It's basically an expanded version of your grandparent's basement with a bar, pickled eggs and old timers playing bluegrass on Monday nights 'til the rockabillies take over around 9/9:30. There's also baskets of your favorite munchies available for 1 dollar. Popcorn, chips and Cheetohs. I'm telling you this place is so awesome.
So his bandmate shows up, coincidentally taking a new girl out too, so we all sit together and engage in chitchat. Cake and twizzlers are passed around and Mandolin asks me to dance to a slow song. Are you kidding me? Can it get any better? Twizzlers and slowdancing!
He walked me home just like they do in the movies and my knees buckled when he kissed me goodnight. (Don't screw this up Katie!) We went out for dinner a few nights later and held hands again as we walked down Saint-Laurent. Holding hands has always been a really intimate show of affection to me. Like date #5 at the least, but he was the one making the moves. We bumped into some friends of his and he didn't even retract his hand from mine when he spotted them. He also introduced me, all signs pointing toward promising relationship ahead, right?!
Well I don't know where I went wrong, it must have been the bust of a date I invited him over for. We played crazy eights and drank smoothies. HAHAHA. Way to put a kybosh on things, Katie. He had a show that night, something I wanted to support him on but didn't quite feel like I was ready to be introduced as his girlfriend at if I showed up. So I didn't even ask about it. He told me he wouldn't really be available for the coming week because he had practice with one band and recordings to do with another, plus school and I should have just left it alone. But I was hooked! I wanted to see more of him and was way too insecure at the time to just go on living my life and being the independent person I can be. So I texted. I called. I even Facebook messaged. Yeah. Overkill much? Can't take a hint girl? Did he freak out because I accidentally left a Cosmo on the coffee table that happened to have an article about relationships in it, advertised on the cover? Did he lose my number? Did he lose his phone? Did he lose the internet? Do I have bad breath? Am I lame? What?
Terrible. Eventually he let me down gently and I, in turn, deleted him from my Facebook. I knew my stalking habits were bad for me, but I should have just left him as a friend because now I wouldn't be limited to his one profile pic, lol!!! Ohhh man... Musicians eh? Nothin' but trouble.
It just goes to show me that men can be just as mysterious as women, and maybe even as sensitive. Who knows what really happened, maybe an ex came back into his life, maybe he freaked out, maybe I really do have bad breath. In any case, I'd be lying if I said I've moved on. I think I'll always wonder about that good-looking Scottsman. I'll always try to keep the lesson in my mind for future daters. What is the lesson anyway?
Be myself, pursue my regularly scheduled life-programming, don't over do it, and remember my life is complete, on my own. A man is just a nice way to compliment it. Oh and one more thing, beware of musicians. Just kidding. Sort of.
Now that I have written this, it feels kind of good to share it. For a long time I was humiliated by my own overkeen ways. Thinking about the title of the song, Over and Over, pretty much sums up this whole bit.
Peace, and true love,
Katie
Don't beat yourself up, I'm pretty sure we are biologically programmed to become a little crazy possessive about men. Otherwise, how would we hold on to the good ones in the wild?!
ReplyDeleteYou'll find a man one day, that will make ALL the moves and you'll never have to wonder what your breath smells like!
:)
ReplyDeleteIt's a jungle out there.