Open Sesame
The concept of open relationships has been on my mind the last couple of days. Maybe it's the Fringe Festival already getting to me, being surrounded by artists and alcohol... But it seems like open relationships are like the little-known drug in Montreal. You probably know a few people who are into it, but you don't really talk about it because it's slightly taboo.
I once knew a guy who had two girlfriends. Actually, I'm pretty sure he was in a three-way relationship, and they all dated each other. From what I understand, it didn't end well- there was simply too much jealousy involved. I have also met a few musicians who just assume it's understood that monogamy is not really part of the deal. I bartended a wedding two weeks ago and watched as a couple openly flirted with other party-goers, in front of each other. They laughed and she said, "we're monogam-ish." I thought that was pretty clever, but still felt a little uncomfortable by the whole thing.
The idea that my boyfriend is sleeping with other girls just puts an ugly frown on my face and leaves me shaking my head, "no." Forget it. But on the other hand, I've talked to plenty of women who are happy as long as he comes home to her. I get that part of the commitment, and sure, I believe certain couples are able to view the physical contact as something completely separate from the emotional attachment they have to each other, but I keep coming up with, buts. It just doesn't sit well with me.
An acquaintance told me the story of how she found an extra toothbrush in the bathroom and a feminine scarf on the kitchen table "the morning after," and it spoiled any sort of empowerment she may have felt by going after what she wanted the night before.
In a city that seems to have slim-pickings when it comes to available men, and perhaps women too, should we just go with the flow? Is it the 70s? Is Free Love back in town? Have you ever cheated? Have you lied about it? Didn't you just need something you lacked?
The way I see it, you have to be a pretty super being to commit to an open relationship. You have to have your emotions far-removed from yourself as your bedroom door closes and someone new steps in, but maybe that's where all the excitement lies in the first place. The thrill of meeting new people and having a casual experience with someone completely different from your true love. I just see complications arising when the chosen person of the night realizes they're not as detached as you are.
There must be rules involved and a certain anonymity to the event if you really want it to work, but I'm just guessing here. I'd love to know what it's really like but then again, I never want that experience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think two people who love each other ought to release themselves from the frivolities that they are attached to, because - you're not single anymore. There is another person and their being, their physical body and their emotions to consider... And if you really love them, I think (but please disagree with me), you must accept them, mind body and soul into your own... when two become one. Spice Girls spoke the truth, ya'll.
In any case, I'm a very open-minded person and whatever floats your boat, you know.. go for it.. I just hope the after-effects don't leave you feeling ashamed and insecure, like most drugs do. Go at it with caution and safety, honesty and self-respect... and you'll probably survive. The same applies for monogamy, right?
Who knows,
Katie
I once knew a guy who had two girlfriends. Actually, I'm pretty sure he was in a three-way relationship, and they all dated each other. From what I understand, it didn't end well- there was simply too much jealousy involved. I have also met a few musicians who just assume it's understood that monogamy is not really part of the deal. I bartended a wedding two weeks ago and watched as a couple openly flirted with other party-goers, in front of each other. They laughed and she said, "we're monogam-ish." I thought that was pretty clever, but still felt a little uncomfortable by the whole thing.
The idea that my boyfriend is sleeping with other girls just puts an ugly frown on my face and leaves me shaking my head, "no." Forget it. But on the other hand, I've talked to plenty of women who are happy as long as he comes home to her. I get that part of the commitment, and sure, I believe certain couples are able to view the physical contact as something completely separate from the emotional attachment they have to each other, but I keep coming up with, buts. It just doesn't sit well with me.
An acquaintance told me the story of how she found an extra toothbrush in the bathroom and a feminine scarf on the kitchen table "the morning after," and it spoiled any sort of empowerment she may have felt by going after what she wanted the night before.
In a city that seems to have slim-pickings when it comes to available men, and perhaps women too, should we just go with the flow? Is it the 70s? Is Free Love back in town? Have you ever cheated? Have you lied about it? Didn't you just need something you lacked?
The way I see it, you have to be a pretty super being to commit to an open relationship. You have to have your emotions far-removed from yourself as your bedroom door closes and someone new steps in, but maybe that's where all the excitement lies in the first place. The thrill of meeting new people and having a casual experience with someone completely different from your true love. I just see complications arising when the chosen person of the night realizes they're not as detached as you are.
There must be rules involved and a certain anonymity to the event if you really want it to work, but I'm just guessing here. I'd love to know what it's really like but then again, I never want that experience.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think two people who love each other ought to release themselves from the frivolities that they are attached to, because - you're not single anymore. There is another person and their being, their physical body and their emotions to consider... And if you really love them, I think (but please disagree with me), you must accept them, mind body and soul into your own... when two become one. Spice Girls spoke the truth, ya'll.
In any case, I'm a very open-minded person and whatever floats your boat, you know.. go for it.. I just hope the after-effects don't leave you feeling ashamed and insecure, like most drugs do. Go at it with caution and safety, honesty and self-respect... and you'll probably survive. The same applies for monogamy, right?
Who knows,
Katie
Monogamish is a Dan Savage-ism. He's interesting.
ReplyDeleteThank you! He is awesome!
ReplyDelete