Cyber Optic
OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Lavalife, Veggiedate... hell, even eHarmony... Like a fad diet, I've tried them all.
The first person I met online turned out to be my first love, believe it or not. I wouldn't admit it to a lot of people at the time, but I met him through the QCHC website (Quebec Hardcore), back in the day. His band had a page and I complimented them for a great show, then we started messaging each other... decided to go for a date and the rest is history. This was before online dating was sort of taboo, so I guess it was cool.
Since then, unfortunately, I haven't had much luck meeting people on the internet. I've probably put myself in a couple of risky situations though, including a party filled with navy guys and a questionable walk along a remote part of the pier in Old Montreal:
"One time I was on this date with a girl I met online, and I took her here, and I said to her, wouldn't it be funny if I threw you in the water? No one would be around to know."
"Yeahhhhhh..." I said. "Pretty funny."
Wish I could say I ended the date there. I agreed to go out for dinner with the dude and after watching him sop up his gravy and butter with his bare hands, I excused myself to use the washroom and called my friend T to help me out. She called me 5 minutes later, with an emergency I suddenly had to leave for. Sorry Weirdo... shouldn't have waited that extra 20 minutes when you were late in the first place.
What the F ladies? Gents? Why do we put ourselves through such bullsh*t for the sake of company?
Last night I poked my head into OkCupid. I have a fake account there that I tap into every now and then, half curious to see if anybody I know is on, and half curious to see if Mr. Right will finally appear. I came across "Lonelysad1979" and it hit me just how dire the situation is. No surprise that nobody's contacted him this week. Ha. Poor guy.
There's honesty and then there's dramatics. I guess you have to make a fair projection of yourself but that doesn't mean you should act pathetic to try to attract attention, nor should you exaggerate your assets either. Somewhere in between. Keep your clothes on and try smiling in your profile pictures. Sometimes I think I should open a business just to coach people on how to make an appropriate online dating profile. Mind you, a good picture can be misleading too. I once had a guy tell me he didn't believe my age, thinking I was way older in my pics... and that was 6 months ago.
You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
I've been encouraged by a lot of family members to try online dating. Of course, they're all married and have never experienced what it's like to be a single 29 year old woman in 2012. Maybe I haven't given it a fair assessment, maybe I let being single get to me too much.
The truth is, I have everything at my fingertips. I can get up or sleep in when I want. I don't have another person's schedule to contend with. I can get away and go on all the adventures I want, no negotiation needed. I can flirt freely, as I please. I can pick and choose who I want to be around, I'm not stuck making small-talk with in-laws and awkward friends-of-friends. I can connect with myself and know that I am an independent person and love that about who I am. The only balance I need to feel is on my own two feet. And that's pretty liberating. I kind of love it.
The last guy I met online seemed pretty hopeful: owned a condo, worked in construction, was quite intelligent, and even had a couple tattoos to boot. Our first date was in a cafe in Saint-Henri and it was decent. He was kind, and I liked that about him. The second date seemed to go even better. We went to Jean-Talon market on a beautiful day and picked up all the fixings for a delicious lunch. Only.. the more we talked, the more was revealed.. and the more difficult it became to keep on liking him. He didn't have a tv because he claimed he doesn't leave his place if he has one. No computer because he has a terrible addiction to Facebook. And not a you-and-me addiction, a seriously debilitating addiction that forced him to get rid of his computer. He uses his friends' from time to time, but can't have his own, it's that bad. Then he inched himself closer on the couch. I froze.
"Ummmmm! This is going to sound really awkward but I can't do this! I'm sorry, I'm kind of freaking out." I said. I didn't know how to put into words all the tension I was feeling but I knew I wanted to leave. He wasn't for me. We talked for a few minutes about online dating and he later drove me home, with one piece of truth that has stayed with me.
The older we get, the more set in our ways we become. The more our quirks become ingrained, and the more difficult it is to break them. So we're awkward, online-dating adults. So what. That's just the way it is, just like any other 29 year old you meet will be set in their ways. Imagine what happens when you're 50. ;)
All this to say, I'm still open to online dating, but I just wish people would get a clue, myself included I suppose. I'm told I have high expectations for people but I'm kind of glad I do. I think it's okay to have a strong set of standards, as long as you're willing to explore possibilities in and around them.
I have. It hasn't worked out. ;)
Remember Uncle Travelling Matt on Fraggle Rock? I often feel like him when I'm writing. Like I'm willing to go out into the world and try new things and take risks then report back. So I hope you enjoy it. I still have a lot more to say on the topic of online dating, and I hope you do too. I'd love to hear it.
The Ting Tings,
Katie
The first person I met online turned out to be my first love, believe it or not. I wouldn't admit it to a lot of people at the time, but I met him through the QCHC website (Quebec Hardcore), back in the day. His band had a page and I complimented them for a great show, then we started messaging each other... decided to go for a date and the rest is history. This was before online dating was sort of taboo, so I guess it was cool.
Since then, unfortunately, I haven't had much luck meeting people on the internet. I've probably put myself in a couple of risky situations though, including a party filled with navy guys and a questionable walk along a remote part of the pier in Old Montreal:
"One time I was on this date with a girl I met online, and I took her here, and I said to her, wouldn't it be funny if I threw you in the water? No one would be around to know."
"Yeahhhhhh..." I said. "Pretty funny."
Wish I could say I ended the date there. I agreed to go out for dinner with the dude and after watching him sop up his gravy and butter with his bare hands, I excused myself to use the washroom and called my friend T to help me out. She called me 5 minutes later, with an emergency I suddenly had to leave for. Sorry Weirdo... shouldn't have waited that extra 20 minutes when you were late in the first place.
What the F ladies? Gents? Why do we put ourselves through such bullsh*t for the sake of company?
Last night I poked my head into OkCupid. I have a fake account there that I tap into every now and then, half curious to see if anybody I know is on, and half curious to see if Mr. Right will finally appear. I came across "Lonelysad1979" and it hit me just how dire the situation is. No surprise that nobody's contacted him this week. Ha. Poor guy.
There's honesty and then there's dramatics. I guess you have to make a fair projection of yourself but that doesn't mean you should act pathetic to try to attract attention, nor should you exaggerate your assets either. Somewhere in between. Keep your clothes on and try smiling in your profile pictures. Sometimes I think I should open a business just to coach people on how to make an appropriate online dating profile. Mind you, a good picture can be misleading too. I once had a guy tell me he didn't believe my age, thinking I was way older in my pics... and that was 6 months ago.
You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.
I've been encouraged by a lot of family members to try online dating. Of course, they're all married and have never experienced what it's like to be a single 29 year old woman in 2012. Maybe I haven't given it a fair assessment, maybe I let being single get to me too much.
The truth is, I have everything at my fingertips. I can get up or sleep in when I want. I don't have another person's schedule to contend with. I can get away and go on all the adventures I want, no negotiation needed. I can flirt freely, as I please. I can pick and choose who I want to be around, I'm not stuck making small-talk with in-laws and awkward friends-of-friends. I can connect with myself and know that I am an independent person and love that about who I am. The only balance I need to feel is on my own two feet. And that's pretty liberating. I kind of love it.
The last guy I met online seemed pretty hopeful: owned a condo, worked in construction, was quite intelligent, and even had a couple tattoos to boot. Our first date was in a cafe in Saint-Henri and it was decent. He was kind, and I liked that about him. The second date seemed to go even better. We went to Jean-Talon market on a beautiful day and picked up all the fixings for a delicious lunch. Only.. the more we talked, the more was revealed.. and the more difficult it became to keep on liking him. He didn't have a tv because he claimed he doesn't leave his place if he has one. No computer because he has a terrible addiction to Facebook. And not a you-and-me addiction, a seriously debilitating addiction that forced him to get rid of his computer. He uses his friends' from time to time, but can't have his own, it's that bad. Then he inched himself closer on the couch. I froze.
"Ummmmm! This is going to sound really awkward but I can't do this! I'm sorry, I'm kind of freaking out." I said. I didn't know how to put into words all the tension I was feeling but I knew I wanted to leave. He wasn't for me. We talked for a few minutes about online dating and he later drove me home, with one piece of truth that has stayed with me.
The older we get, the more set in our ways we become. The more our quirks become ingrained, and the more difficult it is to break them. So we're awkward, online-dating adults. So what. That's just the way it is, just like any other 29 year old you meet will be set in their ways. Imagine what happens when you're 50. ;)
All this to say, I'm still open to online dating, but I just wish people would get a clue, myself included I suppose. I'm told I have high expectations for people but I'm kind of glad I do. I think it's okay to have a strong set of standards, as long as you're willing to explore possibilities in and around them.
I have. It hasn't worked out. ;)
Remember Uncle Travelling Matt on Fraggle Rock? I often feel like him when I'm writing. Like I'm willing to go out into the world and try new things and take risks then report back. So I hope you enjoy it. I still have a lot more to say on the topic of online dating, and I hope you do too. I'd love to hear it.
The Ting Tings,
Katie
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