Face it.
I almost bought a rotting couch. A vintage, victorianesque typa deal. Upon first glance, it looked great, it was even a bit comfortable. At 55 dollars, I tried to come up with a plan to find a home for it while I search for my own. You may have even seen my post requesting some transport to a location off-island. At 7 1/2 feet long, this thing could be sold for triple the price, and that'd still be a deal. But one of the cushions must have gotten wet and many years later, is slowly disintegrating. Ohhhh what a life metaphor eh? lol
I've been house-hunting for the past couple of weeks. It's pretty exciting, I'm sold on moving to St-Henri, it feels like a place I could really feel rooted in. I'm already looking forward to patio days in the summer. We probably all are, what with this neverending bs winter we're having!
No need to reiterate what a brutal winter this has been, but with the prospect of Spring finally arriving, based on the calendar and definitely not the current weather forecast, hope is renewing itself in me. I wore my cowboy boots out today just to silently protest and feel semi-normal again.
Winter being on its way out, I'm finally in a place to reflect about my own inner climate. Winter kind of represents death in a way doesn't it? This isn't meant to be a super dark thought, just that everything goes into hibernation, everything beautiful is covered in snow, and the trees stand naked above us all.
In a sense, Winter can offer us a certain passing of emotion, to face the darkness that lurks inside, as it brings it all to the front with every resentful step we take in the deep disgusting snow, all the car problems and pissy people we come across. There are a lot of hurdles both physically and emotionally that present themselves to us during these months. And if you pay attention, you can clear up some serious inner crud while you're at it.
I overheard someone at work today say "I'm 23 and I want to start a family now."
I had to leave before I heard the rest of her sentences, but I said an inner "wow," and took off to meet with some students. Good on ya, kid, because these are some great years of your life, and you don't even know it.
Truth be told, I absolutely grew up thinking I'd have a family by this age, but I don't. I so don't, and I'm not even close. I have a dog and car, and those are the biggest commitments I own right now. It's not necessarily what I want, but it's what I got.
For years I've put my life on hold because I was anticipating the usual milestones that a woman (typically) meets by this point, primarily a serious relationship and the prospect of having kids. While my last big relationship ended almost 5 years ago, I still haven't totally given up the idea that that will actually happen. I believe it will, but I've taken off the love-lenses and am dealing with my actual circumstances.
This is pretty big for me, and maybe you're in a similar place, and it feels liberating. I've always simultaneously loved and hated this part of myself. Hopelessly romantic and usually unattached, this is who I am right now but I'm going to be who I am right now and not who I am in my alter-fantasy life. And that's a married mom with a few kids and a great home in the country. :)
Some day right?
I guess I'm revealing all this super personal stuff because owning up makes me accountable ya know? My 30s feel pretty awesome so far. Can't believe that 23 year old will never experience such insight. But if that's what works for her, then good on her.
Living in what ifs aren't super helpful to the soul. I'll just live in this semi-decent apartment until I meet my mate and then get a great place. I'll just make-do until that happens. And when that happens, oh that's when I'll get to travel, because I'll have someone to enjoy it with.
I realized today that sometimes the most troubling places are exactly where your attention needs to be, because you are 100% needed there. And while the tunnel may seem dark, there is light on the other end, but you have to be willing to take the route. Don't be afraid because you don't know what waits for you inside.
Stay beautiful everyone.
Neil Diamond's Hot August Night,
Katie
I've been house-hunting for the past couple of weeks. It's pretty exciting, I'm sold on moving to St-Henri, it feels like a place I could really feel rooted in. I'm already looking forward to patio days in the summer. We probably all are, what with this neverending bs winter we're having!
No need to reiterate what a brutal winter this has been, but with the prospect of Spring finally arriving, based on the calendar and definitely not the current weather forecast, hope is renewing itself in me. I wore my cowboy boots out today just to silently protest and feel semi-normal again.
Winter being on its way out, I'm finally in a place to reflect about my own inner climate. Winter kind of represents death in a way doesn't it? This isn't meant to be a super dark thought, just that everything goes into hibernation, everything beautiful is covered in snow, and the trees stand naked above us all.
In a sense, Winter can offer us a certain passing of emotion, to face the darkness that lurks inside, as it brings it all to the front with every resentful step we take in the deep disgusting snow, all the car problems and pissy people we come across. There are a lot of hurdles both physically and emotionally that present themselves to us during these months. And if you pay attention, you can clear up some serious inner crud while you're at it.
I overheard someone at work today say "I'm 23 and I want to start a family now."
I had to leave before I heard the rest of her sentences, but I said an inner "wow," and took off to meet with some students. Good on ya, kid, because these are some great years of your life, and you don't even know it.
Truth be told, I absolutely grew up thinking I'd have a family by this age, but I don't. I so don't, and I'm not even close. I have a dog and car, and those are the biggest commitments I own right now. It's not necessarily what I want, but it's what I got.
For years I've put my life on hold because I was anticipating the usual milestones that a woman (typically) meets by this point, primarily a serious relationship and the prospect of having kids. While my last big relationship ended almost 5 years ago, I still haven't totally given up the idea that that will actually happen. I believe it will, but I've taken off the love-lenses and am dealing with my actual circumstances.
This is pretty big for me, and maybe you're in a similar place, and it feels liberating. I've always simultaneously loved and hated this part of myself. Hopelessly romantic and usually unattached, this is who I am right now but I'm going to be who I am right now and not who I am in my alter-fantasy life. And that's a married mom with a few kids and a great home in the country. :)
Some day right?
I guess I'm revealing all this super personal stuff because owning up makes me accountable ya know? My 30s feel pretty awesome so far. Can't believe that 23 year old will never experience such insight. But if that's what works for her, then good on her.
Living in what ifs aren't super helpful to the soul. I'll just live in this semi-decent apartment until I meet my mate and then get a great place. I'll just make-do until that happens. And when that happens, oh that's when I'll get to travel, because I'll have someone to enjoy it with.
I realized today that sometimes the most troubling places are exactly where your attention needs to be, because you are 100% needed there. And while the tunnel may seem dark, there is light on the other end, but you have to be willing to take the route. Don't be afraid because you don't know what waits for you inside.
Stay beautiful everyone.
Neil Diamond's Hot August Night,
Katie
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