Return of the Mack
It's been a deep day. Like sitting in my office with a shawl wrapped around my head meditating and getting to the bottom of things... deep.
I'd say this has been the best summer of my adulthood so far. Had tonnes of fun working for Just For Laughs, visiting New Brunswick and of course, making a movie in the woods. There's been ample time for self-reflection but I'm happy to say that I was too busy having fun to really catch on to a missing link. But now that I'm back to work and have to get back into Spiritual Animator mode, I was struggling with what I could bring to the table this year, feeling like I've exhausted most of my creativity with the little ones.
I stumbled upon a few key names while browsing, the starting point coming from my cousin Kate, who recommended The Daily Love. Then came Joseph Campbell, Gabrielle Bernstein, the 5 Sutras, A Course in Miracles, and Marianne Williamson. You're probably most familiar with the latter, but may have heard talk about A Course in Miracles.
I guess it's been one of those "ask and the answer shall present itself" couple of days, but I realized I really needed it.
Sitting there, deep in reflection, having closed my door to avoid strange looks from passers-by, I had a vision.
Now I'm telling you all this because if a part of me is locked up, it blocks other aspects of my personality, and I wind up staring blankly into space. Creativity and spirit is what I need to get to work, and so it was time to do the work in me before I could actually do my job.
It was a deep body of water, my focus only about as wide as a bucket. But it was the ocean, and I was in it. Anchored, stuck, unable to move because of the limits I have placed on myself. Especially emotionally, feeling like I always need to be attached to something in order to function. That may be a bit vague, but it's my heart speaking. And yeah, okay, generally I like to feel attached to a man, not gonna lie. It's deep I tell ya.
But I started pulling up the chain, foot by foot, until I had the giant, heavy anchor in my hands, clutching it close to my heart. I thought about my silly anchor tattoo on my foot and for a moment I regretted it. But it also made me realize the deeper meaning. When people have asked me what it represents, I've always said I like to feel anchored but know that when it's time to set sail I can move on. I guess I realized in that moment what a load of bullshit that is, because I've never pulled it up and moved on. Until this afternoon.
I envisioned myself breaking the chain that was linked to the shackle around my left ankle. And then I saw myself letting the anchor go, but as much as I tried, it yanked me back down with it. Breaking the chain wasn't enough, I had to release myself from the shackle altogether. So I did. I pulled it back up, and I mustered all the strength I could and shotput that damn anchor far away from me. I immediately felt relief. I took a few deep breaths and felt lighter. I came back to the room, took off the ridiculous wool shawl off my head, fluffed my hair out and walked around.
SECURITY! DAMMMMMMN it's so comforting. But I knew that if I didn't let it go it would always be there. I'd always feel the need to be attached to something that doesn't actually exist. At least not for now.
And when you love someone, don't you know? You must set them free. I set myself free today, and I feel good.
Peace and love,
Katie
I'd say this has been the best summer of my adulthood so far. Had tonnes of fun working for Just For Laughs, visiting New Brunswick and of course, making a movie in the woods. There's been ample time for self-reflection but I'm happy to say that I was too busy having fun to really catch on to a missing link. But now that I'm back to work and have to get back into Spiritual Animator mode, I was struggling with what I could bring to the table this year, feeling like I've exhausted most of my creativity with the little ones.
I stumbled upon a few key names while browsing, the starting point coming from my cousin Kate, who recommended The Daily Love. Then came Joseph Campbell, Gabrielle Bernstein, the 5 Sutras, A Course in Miracles, and Marianne Williamson. You're probably most familiar with the latter, but may have heard talk about A Course in Miracles.
I guess it's been one of those "ask and the answer shall present itself" couple of days, but I realized I really needed it.
Sitting there, deep in reflection, having closed my door to avoid strange looks from passers-by, I had a vision.
Now I'm telling you all this because if a part of me is locked up, it blocks other aspects of my personality, and I wind up staring blankly into space. Creativity and spirit is what I need to get to work, and so it was time to do the work in me before I could actually do my job.
It was a deep body of water, my focus only about as wide as a bucket. But it was the ocean, and I was in it. Anchored, stuck, unable to move because of the limits I have placed on myself. Especially emotionally, feeling like I always need to be attached to something in order to function. That may be a bit vague, but it's my heart speaking. And yeah, okay, generally I like to feel attached to a man, not gonna lie. It's deep I tell ya.
But I started pulling up the chain, foot by foot, until I had the giant, heavy anchor in my hands, clutching it close to my heart. I thought about my silly anchor tattoo on my foot and for a moment I regretted it. But it also made me realize the deeper meaning. When people have asked me what it represents, I've always said I like to feel anchored but know that when it's time to set sail I can move on. I guess I realized in that moment what a load of bullshit that is, because I've never pulled it up and moved on. Until this afternoon.
I envisioned myself breaking the chain that was linked to the shackle around my left ankle. And then I saw myself letting the anchor go, but as much as I tried, it yanked me back down with it. Breaking the chain wasn't enough, I had to release myself from the shackle altogether. So I did. I pulled it back up, and I mustered all the strength I could and shotput that damn anchor far away from me. I immediately felt relief. I took a few deep breaths and felt lighter. I came back to the room, took off the ridiculous wool shawl off my head, fluffed my hair out and walked around.
SECURITY! DAMMMMMMN it's so comforting. But I knew that if I didn't let it go it would always be there. I'd always feel the need to be attached to something that doesn't actually exist. At least not for now.
And when you love someone, don't you know? You must set them free. I set myself free today, and I feel good.
Peace and love,
Katie
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