Sober Heart
Last night I was joking with my friends at improv about Dryuary. It's a play on words that refers to spending the month of January sober. Not drinking.
Well originally I thought it meant something else. I thought it meant you spend a month going without... well, sex. But as my friend M put it, WHY WOULD YOU ACTIVELY AVOID IT?
Here's the thing. I'm a compulsive crusher. I am in a constant state of love, or in a constant state of heartache. And that sucks. Last year I felt like I succeeded in rebirthing my potato heart into something much more fruitful, and that took a lot of hard work, but here I am again, my yo-yo heart at the hand of fate.
Everybody needs somebody to love, but I take that super literally, pretty much all the time. I don't feel in control of my heart and its romantic ways, and it inevitably ends up placing me in circumstances that I feel are out of my control, and not at all what I expected. To a certain point they are out of my control, you can't really help who you love, but holy shit it's taken me on some real rollercoaster rides of late.
Recently I decided to take my heart into my own hands and I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I give in to temptation too easily and have a hard time staying true to what it is that I need - not what I want. It's so hard!!
Anyway, I'd love to spend a month with a sober heart. How liberating that must feel. Totally satisfied with all the wonderful things I already have in my life, and not feel like I need a man to complete it. It does feel like an addiction, my mind wanders 80 times a day onto the topic, and then I'm left with all these gloomy feelings. Maybe I need a sponsor, lol.
I almost feel like talking about it has its pitfalls too. I feel like a broken record most of the time, lamenting to my sister and my friends about my loneliness, and my mountain of journals are a true testament to this. I mostly write about my love life, and sometimes it finds its way into this blog, usually when I feel like I'm at a loss.
Spending a month actively not starting a new crush on someone will be hard, because generally all it takes is a nice smile and some sort of artistic background... and then BOOM. I'm done for.
In any case, I'm going to try this out, keep my heart in a tupperware container for a few weeks, and concentrate on the more important things going on in my life.
Tame Impala,
Katie
Well originally I thought it meant something else. I thought it meant you spend a month going without... well, sex. But as my friend M put it, WHY WOULD YOU ACTIVELY AVOID IT?
Here's the thing. I'm a compulsive crusher. I am in a constant state of love, or in a constant state of heartache. And that sucks. Last year I felt like I succeeded in rebirthing my potato heart into something much more fruitful, and that took a lot of hard work, but here I am again, my yo-yo heart at the hand of fate.
Everybody needs somebody to love, but I take that super literally, pretty much all the time. I don't feel in control of my heart and its romantic ways, and it inevitably ends up placing me in circumstances that I feel are out of my control, and not at all what I expected. To a certain point they are out of my control, you can't really help who you love, but holy shit it's taken me on some real rollercoaster rides of late.
Recently I decided to take my heart into my own hands and I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I give in to temptation too easily and have a hard time staying true to what it is that I need - not what I want. It's so hard!!
Anyway, I'd love to spend a month with a sober heart. How liberating that must feel. Totally satisfied with all the wonderful things I already have in my life, and not feel like I need a man to complete it. It does feel like an addiction, my mind wanders 80 times a day onto the topic, and then I'm left with all these gloomy feelings. Maybe I need a sponsor, lol.
I almost feel like talking about it has its pitfalls too. I feel like a broken record most of the time, lamenting to my sister and my friends about my loneliness, and my mountain of journals are a true testament to this. I mostly write about my love life, and sometimes it finds its way into this blog, usually when I feel like I'm at a loss.
Spending a month actively not starting a new crush on someone will be hard, because generally all it takes is a nice smile and some sort of artistic background... and then BOOM. I'm done for.
In any case, I'm going to try this out, keep my heart in a tupperware container for a few weeks, and concentrate on the more important things going on in my life.
Tame Impala,
Katie
We are two peas in a pod, you and I. If you figure out how to successfully tupperware your unyoked heart, please share with the class.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, thanks for sharing this.