---->You are here. <----
I have these little moments from time to time where my inner voice is like "you are here." As if a giant arrow pokes through my head and points directly at the CN tower, reminding me I've made it. "Arrived. Exit- on the left."
I went on a date today (FINALLY am I right?!) and as I talked about my transition to this new city, it felt like I was describing something that happened years ago. But it's only been a few months. I've only been here for two and a half months.
I landed at my aunt's house. A bold and beautiful woman, she took me in as I got settled. We spent many hours chatting over coffee in her kitchen, and I soaked up her wisdom and kindness, knowing that each moment was important. Each moment I spent listening, sipping Maxwell House coffee and eating peanut butter toast, it mattered.
I relaxed.
Montreal Katie would have been worried about the next couple of hours, the next couple of minutes, the very seconds that were disappearing. Time in the last year for me was hyper. Or I was hyper, trying to get so much done is so little time, I stopped enjoying things. Truly being present, as those hippies we love to hate describe, I was a goner. I was constantly living 6 months in the future in my head.
But it worked. The auto-pilot maniac dreamer in me managed to downsize my entire life to a couple of bins and odds and ends, take life by the horns, and move to another province, something I never thought I would actually do.
It all happened by accident. Some switch went off in August 2014 and I had to make 2014/2015 the year to make it or break it. So dramatic I know. And in some ways, I had a lot of success in a short amount of time. A sketch troupe, NYC, a solo show, producing comedy shows, a festival, newspaper articles, radio and television appearances... woah! I could retire from performing and look back in thirty years and be proud of myself. I definitely accomplished a shit-tonne and that's pretty cool.
One of the first few days I was in Toronto, my aunt took me to the Beaches, a part of town (with a giant beach on Lake Ontario) where I guess young successful couples seem to be moving to a lot nowadays. We drove up and down streets to look at the houses. I marvelled at the views and the dreamy homes... and the row of toddlers attached to a rope crossing the street. The woman waving to a friend outside the corner store. The image of me coming home after work to a family. Settling in. Getting cozy with my man. And then we turned the corner and I remembered why I moved here.
Tonight I was trying on a winter coat I got at work. Deciding if I loved it or just liked it because it didn't cost me anything. I threw on an oversized toque and wrapped a scarf around my head (which I am still rocking right now because it's cold in my room), and I had that moment - you are here.
I made it. I survived the most hellish year of my life. Lots of triumphs and successes, but a lot of stress too. My dog nearly died in the thick of it and so did I.
In a sense, a large part of me has, that anxious "future-me", maybe because I'm finally here, but like a gross snake who is shedding its skin, a huge disgusting chunk of me is gone, and it feels great.
I moved here to pursue little Katie Leggitt's dream: to be an actor, a comedian, to marry Macaulay Culkin.
Here's hoping. ;)
Cardinal sessions,
Katie
I went on a date today (FINALLY am I right?!) and as I talked about my transition to this new city, it felt like I was describing something that happened years ago. But it's only been a few months. I've only been here for two and a half months.
I landed at my aunt's house. A bold and beautiful woman, she took me in as I got settled. We spent many hours chatting over coffee in her kitchen, and I soaked up her wisdom and kindness, knowing that each moment was important. Each moment I spent listening, sipping Maxwell House coffee and eating peanut butter toast, it mattered.
I relaxed.
Montreal Katie would have been worried about the next couple of hours, the next couple of minutes, the very seconds that were disappearing. Time in the last year for me was hyper. Or I was hyper, trying to get so much done is so little time, I stopped enjoying things. Truly being present, as those hippies we love to hate describe, I was a goner. I was constantly living 6 months in the future in my head.
But it worked. The auto-pilot maniac dreamer in me managed to downsize my entire life to a couple of bins and odds and ends, take life by the horns, and move to another province, something I never thought I would actually do.
It all happened by accident. Some switch went off in August 2014 and I had to make 2014/2015 the year to make it or break it. So dramatic I know. And in some ways, I had a lot of success in a short amount of time. A sketch troupe, NYC, a solo show, producing comedy shows, a festival, newspaper articles, radio and television appearances... woah! I could retire from performing and look back in thirty years and be proud of myself. I definitely accomplished a shit-tonne and that's pretty cool.
One of the first few days I was in Toronto, my aunt took me to the Beaches, a part of town (with a giant beach on Lake Ontario) where I guess young successful couples seem to be moving to a lot nowadays. We drove up and down streets to look at the houses. I marvelled at the views and the dreamy homes... and the row of toddlers attached to a rope crossing the street. The woman waving to a friend outside the corner store. The image of me coming home after work to a family. Settling in. Getting cozy with my man. And then we turned the corner and I remembered why I moved here.
Tonight I was trying on a winter coat I got at work. Deciding if I loved it or just liked it because it didn't cost me anything. I threw on an oversized toque and wrapped a scarf around my head (which I am still rocking right now because it's cold in my room), and I had that moment - you are here.
I made it. I survived the most hellish year of my life. Lots of triumphs and successes, but a lot of stress too. My dog nearly died in the thick of it and so did I.
In a sense, a large part of me has, that anxious "future-me", maybe because I'm finally here, but like a gross snake who is shedding its skin, a huge disgusting chunk of me is gone, and it feels great.
I moved here to pursue little Katie Leggitt's dream: to be an actor, a comedian, to marry Macaulay Culkin.
Here's hoping. ;)
Cardinal sessions,
Katie
Comments
Post a Comment