5 steps you can take to get your shit together - NOW!

Quick back story to this is that I thought I knew exactly what I wanted when I moved to Toronto almost 3 years ago.  Turns out vague goals will only get you so far before your will to keep at it is tested so hard you find yourself learning how to work a cash register by someone 11 years your junior.  Whatever, I'm grateful for it all.  Here's what I've learned along my journey:

Step 1.

It kind of sucks to come to the realization that you're not as smart as you once thought you were.  When you're wrapped up in a warm blanket with cheap rent and a community you love to support and be around, you feel pretty safe.  You think you know it all.  When you're faced with transition, your ability to endure will be challenged, so the first thing you need to remember is that there's you now, and there's you 6 months from now, and you have no idea what that person will be like, but you do know you're on a journey.  I drew this image at the beginning of my journey.  I didn't know what the vertical lines represented yet at the time, but boy now I do.

Step 2.

THE GRIND.  Am I right?  Whether you're pushing papers all day or serving lattes like I once was, the acknowledgment that goes into transition periods can go a long way.  I was coming from a career-based lifestyle, which means that I had a good job that did more than paid the bills (it paid my heart okay?).  Still, we often hear that little nudge inside of us telling ourselves we can do more, be more, see more, etc.  When you try frog legs for the first time for instance, you may be grossed out but like, DUDE! You just stuck a FROG'S LEG into your mouth.  Bold! Scary! *RISKY* (probably, right?)  Anyway. We tend to be so hard on ourselves for not being in the specific slot we think we're meant to live in our whole lives, so pat yourself on the back for doing some wild shit in your time, okay?  And then go out and do some more, ride a horse, take a pottery class, sky dive in a clown suit - the thing about this phase that's so great is that it teaches you so much about what you don't want, that it'll point you back to the direction of what you do want, even if it's like a pinball machine.  Turns out I crave routine! Who woulda thought!? (certainly not my anti-establishment 16 year old self, that's who).

As you move through these hurdles, you'll start to understand what you value most, and that's very telling, when you're thinking long-term.  Write those values down, and honour them, the best you can.  It feels good.

Step 3.

"So you wanna be a writah," as my friend Alain/Charlie Dibbles once said.  Great! That's a pretty vague ideal, I mean, chances are you already are a writer, if you're writing, and that's exactly what this character was getting at.  The annoyance that comes with lofty goals, things that are vague - oh we all want to be an actor, we all want to be comedians, but you likely already are one, now what the hell are you going to go and do with that?  I proudly (and so naively) told people I was moving to Toronto to "pursue comedy."  I cringe every time I remember that phrase that I said so often.  WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN KATIE?! I clearly had no idea, but happily it was enough to get my butt here, and show me what it really meant.  At the time, pursuing comedy meant keeping up the same momentum I felt I was building in Montreal, and jumping onto shows regularly, but it did not take into account the human part of myself that was about to be subjected to some major changes.  *Cue anxiety.

Throughout it all, the sketch troupe that I was briefly a part of, the auditions I went on that led to no where except more stress, the list of items on my vision board I wasn't achieving, all of these "things" that felt like failures were stacking up- and they forced me to ask myself some real tough questions.

 #1 - is this fun?  (No, it wasn't nearly as fun as it used to be before I placed all these stakes on it)

#2 - am I good at this? (Some yes, some no.. and the no's really hurt, but again, you'll be shown what is worth your time and what isn't)

#3 - am I happy? (sometimes no, but most times yes.. now)

At a certain point, when I was possibly at my lowest, I made a list of what kind of a life I wanted.  What would make me happy, what did life look like, what would I like to be able to enjoy?  The answers surprised me.  Fundamentally, I just want to be able to afford quality, weather-proof, durable clothes.  And like have love in my life and whatnot.  Ok lots more too.

Step 4.

Ask yourself the following questions, write your answers down, and go and do them.  You'll see what happens.

#1 - What would you do if you weren't afraid?

#2 - What does trying look like?

And finally..

Step 5.

Take the pressure off.  We're our own worst enemy, and everyone around you wants to see you succeed.  100%.  Find out what works for you and what doesn't, then repeat this process.  Your goals will become more fine-tuned as you go, and you'll likely be able to achieve something more specific than you thought you could.  (I'm almost there... I'm still a work-in-progress).

Now that you've come this far, I want you to remember 3 things.  Things you can't see but that are imperative for you to succeed, or for whatever it is that you're working on to succeed.

-Outreach: Ask for help for fuck sake.  Everyone is just as terrified as you are.

-Trust yourself: you know what's best for you.

-Listen to music and write shit (notes, ideas, etc) down.  It'll offer a path back to yourself when you're lost.

Final thoughts:

The people you encounter that make it hard along the way, are really there to challenge you to make sure you know what you want.  Trust the outcome.  Trust the process.

Catherine Wheel,

Katie