100 Days of Writing - 08
I came up with a really easy anti-depression aid last night after writing about Jeff Buckley. It was one of those rants that came from the left side of the brain and it wrote itself faster than my hand could and as such I thought I could share some of the highlights.
Here it is... we can't see into the future (or at least most of us can't), so why do we let ourselves feel so shitty for something that doesn't even exist?
I spent the bulk of my life feeling sad about things I didn't have in it. The right number on a scale, a boyfriend, a turquoise 1956 Chevy Bel Air, whatever. So much time was spent on mourning something that didn't even exist in my reality. It caused a lot of grief, especially in the relationship department.
Prone to crushes, a lot of my free energy was spent on wanting a boyfriend, being sad I didn't have one, and wondering what was wrong with me because I didn't. Birthday cake after birthday cake, I've wished for a boyfriend more times than I haven't. How's that for a secret reveal? (Sidenote: I'm really bad at practicing the law of attraction, evidently.)
Wanting things is fine, but it's the absence - not having what I want that eats up a hole in my heart. The emptiness digger just goes in and carves out a sadness space and leaves me feeling like a full can of garbage. The obsession that plays out, the glaring Lackness Monster takes over my life for a period of time until my attention moves onto something else. It's like I get distracted for a second and that dangling happiness carrot sends me off to some new thing to want and not have until the cycle begins again and so on and so on.
The What If of it all is so sneaky too. It's the part about this that is most alluring. What if I had a boyfriend? Oh I know exactly how wonderful it would all be, how complete I would feel as a human, how much more joy would be present in my life. And I would be happy. What if I had a slimmer body? Oh that would be marvelous because then I wouldn't worry about what I look like every morning before leaving the house, every window reflection that catches my eye and every time I sit down or stand up in front of other people. Oh and people would admire me too. And I would have a boyfriend. And I would be happy.
It's the faux-comfort that these types of fantasies give you, the endorphins are unleashed and offer a misguided sense of satisfaction and then you wind up training your brain to do this on the regular. That's why mindfulness and gratitude work so well, because they help you stay grounded and focus on the real good stuff in your life.
My anti-depression aid boils down to acknowledging that the future ain't here so there's no sense feeling sad about it. I may not have a boyfriend today, but I feel okay with that statement because I'm not going to pile on the meaning I used to endow the lack of one with (not having love, not having companionship, not having someone to do groceries with, yadda yadda yadda). Those things simply aren't true, because I do have love in my life, I do have companionship and I prefer to spare others from my indecisiveness in the frozen meal section of No Frills, okay?
Plants and Animals,
Katie
Here it is... we can't see into the future (or at least most of us can't), so why do we let ourselves feel so shitty for something that doesn't even exist?
I spent the bulk of my life feeling sad about things I didn't have in it. The right number on a scale, a boyfriend, a turquoise 1956 Chevy Bel Air, whatever. So much time was spent on mourning something that didn't even exist in my reality. It caused a lot of grief, especially in the relationship department.
Prone to crushes, a lot of my free energy was spent on wanting a boyfriend, being sad I didn't have one, and wondering what was wrong with me because I didn't. Birthday cake after birthday cake, I've wished for a boyfriend more times than I haven't. How's that for a secret reveal? (Sidenote: I'm really bad at practicing the law of attraction, evidently.)
Wanting things is fine, but it's the absence - not having what I want that eats up a hole in my heart. The emptiness digger just goes in and carves out a sadness space and leaves me feeling like a full can of garbage. The obsession that plays out, the glaring Lackness Monster takes over my life for a period of time until my attention moves onto something else. It's like I get distracted for a second and that dangling happiness carrot sends me off to some new thing to want and not have until the cycle begins again and so on and so on.
The What If of it all is so sneaky too. It's the part about this that is most alluring. What if I had a boyfriend? Oh I know exactly how wonderful it would all be, how complete I would feel as a human, how much more joy would be present in my life. And I would be happy. What if I had a slimmer body? Oh that would be marvelous because then I wouldn't worry about what I look like every morning before leaving the house, every window reflection that catches my eye and every time I sit down or stand up in front of other people. Oh and people would admire me too. And I would have a boyfriend. And I would be happy.
It's the faux-comfort that these types of fantasies give you, the endorphins are unleashed and offer a misguided sense of satisfaction and then you wind up training your brain to do this on the regular. That's why mindfulness and gratitude work so well, because they help you stay grounded and focus on the real good stuff in your life.
My anti-depression aid boils down to acknowledging that the future ain't here so there's no sense feeling sad about it. I may not have a boyfriend today, but I feel okay with that statement because I'm not going to pile on the meaning I used to endow the lack of one with (not having love, not having companionship, not having someone to do groceries with, yadda yadda yadda). Those things simply aren't true, because I do have love in my life, I do have companionship and I prefer to spare others from my indecisiveness in the frozen meal section of No Frills, okay?
Plants and Animals,
Katie
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